Guilt
Guilt can ruin your day, wreck your week, crumble your month and destroy your sense of self….What is it you may ask? I know most of us have felt it some time within our lifetimes, but most of us find it difficult to describe. I like to compare it to a small “knot” in the pit of my stomach that I feel when I know that either I have been provoked for something I have done or something someone else has done that just doesn’t sit right with me.
The Oxford American Desk Dictionary defines guilt as: fact of having committed a specified or implied offense. 1. Sinfulness, wrongdoing, misconduct, 2.a. Blame; responsibility; 2.b. remorse, regret, contrition, or shame. There you have it then…that little knot in your gut I spoke about. Guilt though, more commonly can be brought on by feelings of inadequacy with respect to being a care giver who does not want to let someone else take care of the patient or loved one in question. It is also brought on by the care giver feeling inadequate or “guilty” about not being there in case something were to happen to the loved one and they weren’t there to take responsibility. So in effect, it is the undoing of taking responsibility for the care of someone you charge yourself with for such duty.
Recently, I came across someone who had not had respite from taking care of her husband for over seven years!! Can you imagine the guilt she must have allowed herself to feel for even thinking that she should do something for herself…Recent research has pointed out that care givers who do not get respite from taking care of a loved one with dementia or other maladies, will have a three to four times greater probability of coming down with dementia or nervous breakdown after a time. Guilt also works wonders on lowering one’s self-esteem, allowing them to feel smaller than an ant!
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Person’s with a whole lot of guilt need to be made aware of their feelings and rationale for not allowing themselves freedom to take care of them selves from time to time. Without this freedom guilt goes into depression and depression goes into anger and continued low self-esteem. Protect yourself and allow yourself the freedom to enjoy your own life. Your loved one is not going to go away while you are out getting your hair done or shopping. They would probably want you to do this for yourself. Let it be and live!!!!