Being alone is sometimes a good thing, but at the same time it remains a double-edged sword. We all need our alone time, whether it is on top of a mountain, fishing, gardening, reading a good book or seeing a movie. The difficulty comes when one does not go out at all or see other people socially. Being cloistered in one’s own home or apartment and never going out can have detrimental psychological effects on the psyche and mind.

People tend to get depressed a lot quicker by choosing to be alone all the time and not seeing other human beings. I remember reading about a native tribe in the South Pacific who ostracized one of their tribesmen when that person made an infraction against the law of the land within the village. The person was told to leave the tribe and never, NEVER talk to anyone within the tribe again or have any kind of contact with them. Eventually, this person died.

It goes without saying that the human touch is a basic need. It is our most intimate form of communication and a basic desire for all humans. We all need to be wanted and feel needed.

Touch allows one to express their feelings and to receive the feelings of others. Our words are an extension of our thoughts and feelings and show others our actions towards them in a verbal way including the expression of our values and habits. Without human words and touch, people’s self-esteem is lowered and they eventually get depressed and will die of loneliness. Men are especially more vulnerable and have a higher percentage of suicide than older women due to the inability of men to form longer lasting social relationships in later life. Women are basically more gregarious and I think live longer because of this fact. Be social and live a longer and happier life!

I like the Boy Scout motto, so I am going to use it here, as I have mentioned it in my book, “A New Wrinkle: What I Learned from Older People Who Never Acted Their Age.” We are in an age of change. Change allows us the opportunity to either go with it by being flexible, or go against it by doing some other kind of behavior. A seven point primer for aging boomers is as follows:

1. Be prepared. That is be prepared for change and what you may need to do to adapt or change yourself.
2. Plan to work and work to plan. We all need a plan on where we need to go and how we are going to get there. As the late, great American philosopher, Yogi Bera once said, “If you don’t know where you are going, any road will take you there.” So, formulate your goals from your core values and make them part of your strategic life plan. Set time aside to think about what it is you want to accomplish in the next three to five years. Write these down. Then set a list of objectives on paper supporting your goals. Then develop an action plan.
3. Plan to change. Be open to change. Be ready to change your plan if necessary. Plan for retirement the same way you plan to work. Be accepting of change.
4. Know thyself. In all of your planning, get to know how you think, what you want for yourself, and why. Be accepting of yourself.
5. Learn to give your gifts away. I have always advocated that none of us know what gifts we have until we give them away. Volunteer and get out of yourself. This will help to empower you and others.
6. Challenge yourself. Work your brain and stay young. Exercise your brains. Exercise your bodies. Stay social. Stimulate and rekindle your inner child. This will enable you to continue to be curious and spontaneous. Have fun and enjoy each day. Live in the moment.
7. Forgive. Forgive yourself for not meeting the expectations of others and forgive others for putting their expectations on to you. This way you can continue to develop your sense of self, be yourself and increase your self-esteem. Forgiveness is freeing and brings on new vistas and capability for achievement and introspection.

It’s quiet… No one is talking or even thinking about the inevitable. A blackness of silence permeates the room, the family, the individual; stillness, only shattered by one’s thoughts waiting to be heard.

It is the news that someone in your family has been diagnosed with cancer, the BIG C we call it; and now the fear factor is working in overdrive. It’s quiet because no one knows what to say or even do at this point. Panic sets in. There are doctor’s appointments to make, medicine’s to buy, tests to take and a thousand things clouding one’s mind. All of these things happening, yet blanketed by the fear, the choked back tears, the “Why Me?” questions in a process of denial that has started to worm its way into your head. Yet there is light ahead in the form of hope.

It is called Hospice care. If recognized early enough, a condition that is life-threatening, like cancer, can be referred to hospice; which can prolong life, decrease pain and suffering for not only a patient but for their family too. Hospice involves a team approach to care and caring. Many people from different back- grounds make up this team; all with varying skill sets and from different professions:  The medical director, the nurses, home health aids, chaplain and social workers. All of whom who care for the patient, as this team approach engulfs the patient and their immediate family.

I was called upon by the Chinese government to go to China in 2008 to teach hospice to medical professionals, nurses and dental personnel within a hospital setting. There is no hospice in China amidst a burgeoning older population. There is no such thing as palliative care either. Teaching people in the medical field is supposed to be like “singing to the choir;” but in a country that has a different culture, different ideals and philosophy about life and death, it is like “pulling teeth” from a chicken. Two million people die from smoking habits each year in China. The only light they see is the smoldering embers of their ashes as they drift off in peace from lung cancer.