Being alone is sometimes a good thing, but at the same time it remains a double-edged sword. We all need our alone time, whether it is on top of a mountain, fishing, gardening, reading a good book or seeing a movie. The difficulty comes when one does not go out at all or see other people socially. Being cloistered in one’s own home or apartment and never going out can have detrimental psychological effects on the psyche and mind.

People tend to get depressed a lot quicker by choosing to be alone all the time and not seeing other human beings. I remember reading about a native tribe in the South Pacific who ostracized one of their tribesmen when that person made an infraction against the law of the land within the village. The person was told to leave the tribe and never, NEVER talk to anyone within the tribe again or have any kind of contact with them. Eventually, this person died.

It goes without saying that the human touch is a basic need. It is our most intimate form of communication and a basic desire for all humans. We all need to be wanted and feel needed.

Touch allows one to express their feelings and to receive the feelings of others. Our words are an extension of our thoughts and feelings and show others our actions towards them in a verbal way including the expression of our values and habits. Without human words and touch, people’s self-esteem is lowered and they eventually get depressed and will die of loneliness. Men are especially more vulnerable and have a higher percentage of suicide than older women due to the inability of men to form longer lasting social relationships in later life. Women are basically more gregarious and I think live longer because of this fact. Be social and live a longer and happier life!

The Oxford American Desk Dictionary defines guilt as: fact of having committed a specified or implied offense. 1. Sinfulness, wrongdoing, misconduct, 2.a. Blame; responsibility; 2.b. remorse, regret, contrition, or shame. There you have it then…that little knot in your gut I spoke about. Guilt though, more commonly can be brought on by feelings of inadequacy with respect to being a care giver who does not want to let someone else take care of the patient or loved one in question. It is also brought on by the care giver feeling inadequate or “guilty” about not being there in case something were to happen to the loved one and they weren’t there to take responsibility. So in effect, it is the undoing of taking responsibility for the care of someone you charge yourself with for such duty.

Recently, I came across someone who had not had respite from taking care of her husband for over seven years!! Can you imagine the guilt she must have allowed herself to feel for even thinking that she should do something for herself…Recent research has pointed out that care givers who do not get respite from taking care of a loved one with dementia or other maladies, will have a three to four times greater probability of coming down with dementia or nervous breakdown after a time. Guilt also works wonders on lowering one’s self-esteem, allowing them to feel smaller than an ant!!

Person’s with a whole lot of guilt need to be made aware of their feelings and rationale for not allowing themselves freedom to take care of them selves from time to time. Without this freedom guilt goes into depression and depression goes into anger and continued low self-esteem. Protect yourself and allow yourself the freedom to enjoy your own life. Your loved one is not going to go away while you are out getting your hair done or shopping. They would probably want you to do this for yourself. Let it be and live!!!!

I have found that the state of happiness may emanate from pleasure. Pleasure can be found in many things. When I used to run half marathons, I knew that I was happy for several reasons: For one, I could run; secondly, I knew that endorphins in my brain would “kick-in” and tickle my pleasure center in my brain, thus making me happy, and lastly, having this chemical happiness allowed me to feel happy in return. Cause and effect here was everything. Chemicals are responsible for the state of happiness. It is not prolonged unless we continue to do whatever it is that stimulates the chemicals such as: eating your favorite chocolate pie, giving or getting a hug, or solving Sudoku puzzles when all along you thought that you couldn’t. All of these things allow one to feel happy because our brains are stimulated and producing endorphins as well as other chemicals that increase the body’s ability to feel good. The opposite happens too when we experience something not so good and we get depressed. Other chemicals work
the opposite end of the spectrum to make us depressed and we subsequently feel a whole lot of other emotions.

Those individuals who always seem happy make it happen. I am convinced of that. I know people who wake up happy because they program their dreams to give them pleasure! Funny, but it works. Being happy with oneself is a key ingredient to long life. The more we take pleasure in whom we are, what we do and what we accomplish on a daily basis, the longer we will live. Being creative around this happiness state is what this is all about. Being creative in the sense that one can do things to help other’s, find a new interest, work with ones mind and hands to create art and anything useful, or doing needle point, making quilts, cooking, helping by volunteering at the local USO, Senior Center, Adult Day Health Center, Project Read, school district, or doing any myriad of things which can impart ones’ gifts to other’s bringing happiness to oneself and to other’s as well. Feeling good about what we do in life allows one to be happy.

My motto has always been, “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” Showing empathy and concern for others and making our environments a better place to live brings happiness to others.

I once went to Loch Ness and visited a little pub, where
everyone there had sworn to have seen the monster. They were
all happy and filled with a sense of wonder and beer.
But finding “HappyNess” for most of us doesn’t take alcohol or a mythical creature. It takes persistence, commitment, and the belief that each day we are blessed with life is a day that brings happiness to ourselves and others; some of whom we don’t even know.

And then the greatest day of your life happens… You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony….you BECOME 21… YES! But then you turn 30…  Ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk… He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.

What’s wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40…stay over there, it’s all slipping away….

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 …… then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday… You get into your 80′s, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas … It’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. It doesn’t end there …. into the 90′s you start going backwards… I was JUST 92…

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again …. “I’m 100 and a half!”

Work gives us direction. Work gives us activity for improving ourselves. Work stimulates our minds. Work serves others. Work makes us productive members of a great whole. Work gives us value. Work can bring fun and excitement. Work is opportunity. Work is rewarding. Work staves off boredom and inactivity. If you are retired and feel bored, unfulfilled or sad, then find work that will empower you in many ways.

Pets serve as an important adjunct to one’s sense of self and having a companion that is both obedient, friendly and can serve up unconditional love at any time it is needed or called for in time.

Pets give us an opportunity to practice our communication. We can talk to them and tell them our woes, share our feelings, give them our anger and our love, or just plain practice the way we talk all without judgment in return. With just a little coaxing we can even teach our pets tricks to amuse us and others.

What kind of pet one has is basically irrelevant, because we can relate to anyone as humans, and find something in common to allow us the feeling of comfort and satisfaction. Pets also enable us to  get exercise, especially a dog, since they need to be walked at least twice daily and who better to do it with them and for them but their master…that being you. So think about the benefits of owning a pet. Someone to love and be loved by in return, a companion for a long time to come, a friend to share activity with and have fun, and a partner to enjoy quiet time, exercise time, sleeping time, alone time and social time. [PETS= Positive Energy through Synergy]

I have an elderly mother and mother-in-law; neither of whom feels that they are elderly. However, their bodies and minds are showing signs of the aging process. At some point in the future, they may need more assistance from me and my wife than we have previously given them. What should we be aware of with respect to aging parents that will keep them on the right track while aging in a healthy manner? Firstly, when we “move-in” quickly to give aid for one reason or another, we are playing parent. The tides are reversed and as any teenager will tell you, they want to be independent. So do our parents. This is a key point. So if you are going to offer help, ask first unless the situation is an emergency and you have to intercede. Mutual respect is this important factor that brings quality, value and trust to our relationships with our aging parents. Secondly, if we find that things are changing rapidly, like memory loss, inability to handle ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living), a physical illness disabling a parent; then it is time to discuss, if possible, the future. We need a plan.

What do I do and how do I do it? OK, if the time has come when a parent cannot continue living on their own we should think about their need for independence and whether they wish to stay at home or not. If they are cognitive and can make decisions, then it behooves us to assist them with some choices. We can collect information about bringing in a care giver who might work during the day or night; or a “second stringer” for an alternate shift giving us full coverage. This will enable the parent to stay at home; thus bringing them feelings of independence, dignity and self-esteem. If the parent is not able to stay at home, an assisted-living environment may be looked at; where they can have their own space with a kitchen area, bath and community room that is available to them at meal times. The more the parent is disabled, either physically or mentally, the more we need to consider increasing the care. For more advanced care, a skilled nursing facility may be necessary: a communal situation with nursing care.

It is not easy to be old. It is not for “sissies,” as one of my clients has so aptly reminded me. But if our parents follow a healthy path in life through exercise, healthy diet, mental stimulation, and staying social they should reach old age in relatively good condition, with or without our assistance. We as children of aging parents need to remember that we came through our parents but are not our parents. That is, we need to nourish the relationship between us so that we maintain good communication and an accepting attitude toward our help when it is needed or warranted. My mother is sometimes too proud to let me help her. She feels it is a parent’s duty to give to their children. But when I am needed most, she will ask. Sometimes I need to encourage her to ask and that is the difference between being a child of a parent and being a parent to a parent when you are the child.

We need to teach our parents during our lifetimes and not just help them when it is too late to include them in the decision making process.

Dr Eric Shapira is an aging consultant with Aging Mentor Services. He has just published a book” A New Wrinkle: What I Learned from Older People Who Never Acted their Age.”

1. Age: Most Alzheimer’s patient’s are over the age of 65. The risk of developing Alzheimer’s Disease increases with age.
2. Family History: Research shows that those who have a close relative with this disease are more likely to develop the disease.
3. Genetics: Scientists have identified an Alzheimer’s risk gene, which is protein variant…Gene 19.
4. Vascular Health: Good heart health, including lowering cholesterol, is linked to lower disease rates.
5. Healthy aging: keeping the brain active, being physically fit and maintaining social connections may offer some protection.
6. Head injuries: There appears to be a link between serious head injuries and developing Alzheimer’s disease…so wear a helmet when biking or climbing.

There are various programs at some of our local hospitals and if there are none where you live, then start one; whereby you can be a foster grandparent for children who don’t have any. This is a great opportunity to nurture and teach a child about life and to renew your own sense of youth, and have fun at the same time. Enjoy life…adopt a child even if you have some of your own. You will be doing a blessing for someone and yourself!