Guilt can ruin your day, wreck your week, crumble your month and destroy your sense of self….What is it you may ask? I know most of us have felt it some time within our lifetimes, but most of us find it difficult to describe. I like to compare it to a small “knot” in the pit of my stomach that I feel when I know that either I have been provoked for something I have done or something someone else has done that just doesn’t sit right with me.

The Oxford American Desk Dictionary defines guilt as: fact of having committed a specified or implied offense. 1. Sinfulness, wrongdoing, misconduct, 2.a. Blame; responsibility; 2.b. remorse, regret, contrition, or shame. There you have it then…that little knot in your gut I spoke about. Guilt though, more commonly can be brought on by feelings of inadequacy with respect to being a care giver who does not want to let someone else take care of the patient or loved one in question. It is also brought on by the care giver feeling inadequate or “guilty” about not being there in case something were to happen to the loved one and they weren’t there to take responsibility. So in effect, it is the undoing of taking responsibility for the care of someone you charge yourself with for such duty.

Recently, I came across someone who had not had respite from taking care of her husband for over seven years!! Can you imagine the guilt she must have allowed herself to feel for even thinking that she should do something for herself…Recent research has pointed out that care givers who do not get respite from taking care of a loved one with dementia or other maladies, will have a three to four times greater probability of coming down with dementia or nervous breakdown after a time. Guilt also works wonders on lowering one’s self-esteem, allowing them to feel smaller than an ant!!

Person’s with a whole lot of guilt need to be made aware of their feelings and rationale for not allowing themselves freedom to take care of them selves from time to time. Without this freedom guilt goes into depression and depression goes into anger and continued low self-esteem. Protect yourself and allow yourself the freedom to enjoy your own life. Your loved one is not going to go away while you are out getting your hair done or shopping. They would probably want you to do this for yourself. Let it be and live!!!!

HappyNess, like the Loch Ness monster, may be a myth; even though most people seem to have found happiness in their lives at one time or another. Being happy is a state of mind; one that is mostly fleeting and has conditions put upon it. There are so many different levels of happiness or being happy that it is almost impossible to define the state in a tangible way. Being happy is a feeling. We can act happy by showing our smiles but in reality we may not be happy. We can disguise happiness with a sad face as well. So the many facets of happiness may challenge us, or taunt us as to whether anyone can define this state from the confusion and multitude of conditions under which being happy or happiness can be defined; therefore being happy and happiness may be two entirely different conditions.

I have found that the state of happiness may emanate from pleasure. Pleasure can be found in many things. When I used to run half marathons, I knew that I was happy for several reasons: For one, I could run; secondly, I knew that endorphins in my brain would “kick-in” and tickle my pleasure center in my brain, thus making me happy, and lastly, having this chemical happiness allowed me to feel happy in return. Cause and effect here was everything. Chemicals are responsible for the state of happiness. It is not prolonged unless we continue to do whatever it is that stimulates the chemicals such as: eating your favorite chocolate pie, giving or getting a hug, or solving Sudoku puzzles when all along you thought that you couldn’t. All of these things allow one to feel happy because our brains are stimulated and producing endorphins as well as other chemicals that increase the body’s ability to feel good. The opposite happens too when we experience something not so good and we get depressed. Other chemicals work
the opposite end of the spectrum to make us depressed and we subsequently feel a whole lot of other emotions.

Those individuals who always seem happy make it happen. I am convinced of that. I know people who wake up happy because they program their dreams to give them pleasure! Funny, but it works. Being happy with oneself is a key ingredient to long life. The more we take pleasure in whom we are, what we do and what we accomplish on a daily basis, the longer we will live. Being creative around this happiness state is what this is all about. Being creative in the sense that one can do things to help other’s, find a new interest, work with ones mind and hands to create art and anything useful, or doing needle point, making quilts, cooking, helping by volunteering at the local USO, Senior Center, Adult Day Health Center, Project Read, school district, or doing any myriad of things which can impart ones’ gifts to other’s bringing happiness to oneself and to other’s as well. Feeling good about what we do in life allows one to be happy.

My motto has always been, “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” Showing empathy and concern for others and making our environments a better place to live brings happiness to others.

I once went to Loch Ness and visited a little pub, where
everyone there had sworn to have seen the monster. They were
all happy and filled with a sense of wonder and beer.
But finding “HappyNess” for most of us doesn’t take alcohol or a mythical creature. It takes persistence, commitment, and the belief that each day we are blessed with life is a day that brings happiness to ourselves and others; some of whom we don’t even know.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids? If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?….”I’m four and a half” ….You’re never 36 and a half….you’re four and a half going on five!
That’s the key. You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? “I’m gonna be 16.” You could be 12, but you’re gonna be 16.

And then the greatest day of your life happens… You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony….you BECOME 21… YES! But then you turn 30…  Ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk… He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There’s no fun now.

What’s wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40…stay over there, it’s all slipping away….

So you BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you’re PUSHING 40, you REACH 50, you MAKE IT to 60 …… then you build up so much speed you HIT 70!

After that, it’s a day by day thing. After that, you HIT Wednesday… You get into your 80′s, you HIT lunch. My grandmother won’t even buy green bananas … It’s an investment you know, and maybe a bad one. It doesn’t end there …. into the 90′s you start going backwards… I was JUST 92…

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again …. “I’m 100 and a half!”