Having a sound work ethic is of basic importance in all that we do. Work allows us to feel useful, wanted, needed, worthy of praise, and it increases our self-esteem. Without work of any kind, even in retirement, we lose some part of ourselves that we deem important. This can be unconscious or conscious enlightenment. By working we give ourselves ability to perform a function that will empower us in the scheme of things as well as empower others; making a difference in the process.

Work gives us direction. Work gives us activity for improving ourselves. Work stimulates our minds. Work serves others. Work makes us productive members of a great whole. Work gives us value. Work can bring fun and excitement. Work is opportunity. Work is rewarding. Work staves off boredom and inactivity. If you are retired and feel bored, unfulfilled or sad, then find work that will empower you in many ways.

As one ages we find that being alone is both a challenge and a worry. Being alone is a common challenge that many of us face as we age. Women usually can handle being alone better than men because they are more social “animals;” whereas men do not handle being alone very well. Statistics point out that older men, living alone, have the highest suicide rate over time.

Pets serve as an important adjunct to one’s sense of self and having a companion that is both obedient, friendly and can serve up unconditional love at any time it is needed or called for in time.

Pets give us an opportunity to practice our communication. We can talk to them and tell them our woes, share our feelings, give them our anger and our love, or just plain practice the way we talk all without judgment in return. With just a little coaxing we can even teach our pets tricks to amuse us and others.

What kind of pet one has is basically irrelevant, because we can relate to anyone as humans, and find something in common to allow us the feeling of comfort and satisfaction. Pets also enable us to  get exercise, especially a dog, since they need to be walked at least twice daily and who better to do it with them and for them but their master…that being you. So think about the benefits of owning a pet. Someone to love and be loved by in return, a companion for a long time to come, a friend to share activity with and have fun, and a partner to enjoy quiet time, exercise time, sleeping time, alone time and social time. [PETS= Positive Energy through Synergy]

Those of us who have children know that when one reaches the age of introspection, one discovers that no one has really instructed us on how to be parents.  We learn by conscious and unconscious observation; through experience; through instruction (If we are lucky), and by doing. An old Native American adage states “If you give a man something to eat, he will have food for a day; but if you give a man the seeds and teach him to plant; he will have food for a lifetime.” So it is with being a parent. What happens as we age for some of us? We become part of the “Sandwich Generation:” We are caught in the transition and sometimes chaos of being between our children and our parents (I’m there as we speak!).

I have an elderly mother and mother-in-law; neither of whom feels that they are elderly. However, their bodies and minds are showing signs of the aging process. At some point in the future, they may need more assistance from me and my wife than we have previously given them. What should we be aware of with respect to aging parents that will keep them on the right track while aging in a healthy manner? Firstly, when we “move-in” quickly to give aid for one reason or another, we are playing parent. The tides are reversed and as any teenager will tell you, they want to be independent. So do our parents. This is a key point. So if you are going to offer help, ask first unless the situation is an emergency and you have to intercede. Mutual respect is this important factor that brings quality, value and trust to our relationships with our aging parents. Secondly, if we find that things are changing rapidly, like memory loss, inability to handle ADL’s (Activities of Daily Living), a physical illness disabling a parent; then it is time to discuss, if possible, the future. We need a plan.

What do I do and how do I do it? OK, if the time has come when a parent cannot continue living on their own we should think about their need for independence and whether they wish to stay at home or not. If they are cognitive and can make decisions, then it behooves us to assist them with some choices. We can collect information about bringing in a care giver who might work during the day or night; or a “second stringer” for an alternate shift giving us full coverage. This will enable the parent to stay at home; thus bringing them feelings of independence, dignity and self-esteem. If the parent is not able to stay at home, an assisted-living environment may be looked at; where they can have their own space with a kitchen area, bath and community room that is available to them at meal times. The more the parent is disabled, either physically or mentally, the more we need to consider increasing the care. For more advanced care, a skilled nursing facility may be necessary: a communal situation with nursing care.

It is not easy to be old. It is not for “sissies,” as one of my clients has so aptly reminded me. But if our parents follow a healthy path in life through exercise, healthy diet, mental stimulation, and staying social they should reach old age in relatively good condition, with or without our assistance. We as children of aging parents need to remember that we came through our parents but are not our parents. That is, we need to nourish the relationship between us so that we maintain good communication and an accepting attitude toward our help when it is needed or warranted. My mother is sometimes too proud to let me help her. She feels it is a parent’s duty to give to their children. But when I am needed most, she will ask. Sometimes I need to encourage her to ask and that is the difference between being a child of a parent and being a parent to a parent when you are the child.

We need to teach our parents during our lifetimes and not just help them when it is too late to include them in the decision making process.

Dr Eric Shapira is an aging consultant with Aging Mentor Services. He has just published a book” A New Wrinkle: What I Learned from Older People Who Never Acted their Age.”